[ Somehow, they still feel taken off guard when he says that. They anticipated that Lupin would continue to pry, say something about it while doing this, but they hadn't anticipated this, or the bittersweet way it makes them feel. It's foreign, to say the least. No one has ever said something like this to them about Ghost, or about anything. They hadn't needed that sort of care before— they'd assumed Ghost would be gone forever after all, and all the roots of the rift between them would remain buried, and would never need to be untangled. Things are different now.
They do what they can to control their expression, but the line of their lips tightens, reminiscent of someone trying to hold back tears. ]
You're always saying such dramatic stuff...
[ But they recover quickly, their voice coming out only the slightest bit strained, as they deliberately take their time to respond to conceal anything else they're feeling. No, they aren't ready to confide in him. Or anyone, ever, maybe.
No one has really offered their hand to them like this, so they don't know how to accept it, even if a part of them wants to. Though they can't trust themself to show any more vulnerability to him than they already have, he'll notice a little more weight on the hand cupping their face, so slight while they shift. Of course, if asked, they'd explain it away that they're trying to make this job easier for him, but the reality is being held like this helps them feel a little more here in the moment, a little more grounded. It's okay, in a distant way, while they have an excuse to let it happen. He already knows well enough that their words never quite match up to their actions. ]
What you can do to help me— is to do what I asked you to. Like this.
[ it's all right that they don't open up to him right now. It's okay if they never do. What matters is that they know that they could, if they wanted to - that he'd listen. That's all. He watches their expression tighten, and he feels more sure than ever that he wants to be there for them. If the day ever comes when those tears fall, Lupin will swoop in, just like he's always done, and steal them away. Saint-Germain had called him a bleeding heart before, once, near when they'd first met, for how he could never turn away from a sob story. He was probably right. But if it's wrong to bleed for someone sad and beautiful when no one else will, then he was all the more justified to turn his back on society.
Though this is going a bit beyond simple sympathy. He remembers the first time they did this - he'd hesitated, thought it was awkward, watched Cairngorm shy away in embarrassment, and left them alone as soon as he could. Now they're leaning into his touch, just so slightly, and he can feel his chest tighten and his pulse quicken when they do. Such a little gesture - but coming from them, it's enough to warm him from head to toe. ]
It's in my nature to be dramatic. [ Lupin's voice is a little softer than before, and he smiles quietly, a fond expression that easily reaches his eyes. ] ... But all right. I'll listen to you this time.
[ he doesn't think it will take very long to finish covering up these cracks - the ones they're feeling on the inside will definitely take longer to repair. But he can wait until they're ready. He works with a delicate touch, careful to try and match the consistency of the rest of their face - and to avoid scratching them with the stiff bristles. ]
[ They hum a little, staying perfectly still as he works. ]
It'd be nice if you tried doing that more often.
[ Listening to them, they mean. They don't miss the softness in his voice when he speaks, and their own tone softens with it. Anything less seems like it would ruin the quiet gentleness of this moment between them. What kind of expression is he making, speaking so kindly like that...? They wonder about it, but they don't dare open their eyes or even move.
But even as they can feel that everything is being covered up sufficiently, they find themself not wanting this moment to end. When he'd suddenly appeared in front of their house, they'd wanted nothing more than to isolate themself and avoid contact with anyone— but now... they want to linger in the feeling of closeness, of having someone to lean on. They're someone who keeps everyone at an arm's distance, and because of that, it's easy to assume that they don't need, or simply don't want anyone to lean on. That's always deterred the vast majority of people from trying to get close (as is their intention)— but he does try, and continues to. It was annoying at first, but here, where they're probably at their weakest, it's reassuring and calming in an unfamiliar way. He's reassuring and calming. And they like that about him, they realize.
That realization alone should make them want to pull away, but they don't. They just wait quietly for him to finish, not hassling him to hurry up or giving signs that they're trigger-happy to pull away as they usually might. ]
[ Lupin can't help but return fire, albeit in a gentle teasing tone rather than anything combative. By now, he figured they'd be getting flustered and pushing him away; they don't, and he wonders if that means he really was able to help them calm down. He also wonders if that means they don't mind his touch. He finds himself thinking it would be nice if both were true.
But now isn't the time for his heart's flights of fancy; they're in a fragile state, and he will of course prize their wellbeing over his dimly-acknowledged feelings. Even so, when he thinks the job is done, he can't resist lightly brushing a thumb over the patched up crack, the way he'd almost done outside earlier, ostensibly to smooth out the powder, truthfully out of a simple desire to comfort; but then he's dropping his hands unceremoniously and setting the brush back on the table, as if he'd never done anything at all. ]
[ They don't respond outwardly to that comment, or the brush of his hand on their cheek, outside of a little acknowledging and agreeable hm. They just stay still and neutral throughout it all, drawing away slowly when he lets go of them. Currently, there is simply not enough space in their head to be thinking about the weirdness of this interaction, or what it's supposed to mean, if anything. All these weird feelings they're having could be because of their reunion with Ghost and the confused, almost trance-like emotional state it left them in. To add anything more to all the things they're being forced to untangle right now would be too much.
They start to go through the motions of cleaning things up, starting with slowly reaching over and taking the brush back so they can put it back in it's proper place. The longer they stay silent, the more it feels like he might come up with some hard question for them to answer, so they decide to divert the conversation's path to something closer their own interests. Knowing how Ghost would feel about him isn't enough to tell how he feels about them— and they sort of feel like it's their business to know. ]
It was surprising, right. [ They don't look at him, closing the brush case neatly. ] How different we are.
A little bit. They were more talkative than I was expecting, for sure.
[ but other parts of them were about as Lupin imagined - for better or for worse. The way they immediately started to apologize for and put down Cairngorm left a bitter taste in his mouth, regardless of how pleasant they seemed otherwise; combined with the small amount of knowledge about them he'd already had, he doesn't have a particularly positive view of them, unfair as that may be. (Though is it really unfair to dislike someone who's nasty towards your friend, passive-aggressive as that nastiness may be?) ]
But even if you shared the same body, you're two separate souls. I never expected the two of you to be very similar.
[ he leans back in his chair, letting them clean up as they need to. ]
Well, you're the only one to expect it to be that way. [ Other gems only had an inkling of what Cairngorm might have been like, based on the few-times-a-year glimpses of their behavior they got. ] But it'll be easier for people to tell with the way we are currently...
[ Currently, as in, for now. It's still in pending, even though they know he disapproves. It's not like they're insisting on the idea to be stubborn, it's just that they can't let go of Ghost so easily, or of the prospect of going back to the way things were. It's not even like they're particularly happy about feeling so attached, or looking forward to returning to their old self, but it's somehow very lonely to be apart and not need each other anymore, in a different way than they'd felt after Ghost was torn off of them.
They pull the things they'd stacked up closer to them, feeling simultaneously grateful that he's here and disappointed that he can't stay. ]
...Either way, thank you, for coming here. [ They're overcome with the feeling that they really might not always be able to talk to him like this, so they say what they mean honestly. It doesn't fully register right now, but somehow this was the kind of intervention they'd needed to at least slow the spiral they were having. ] Pretty soon you'll be about as good as me at repairing.
[ it's true that he might only be able to think this way because he actually got to meet them separately - but that's all the more reason for him to want the two of them to stay apart. He's said it before: he's lucky he got to see Cairngorm like this. Lupin's already said what he had to say on the matter of them rejoining, and they aren't going to be able to come to a decision immediately, besides; he doesn't offer any complaints on the "currently" comment, only responding with a small smile.
It's rare for them to thank him, but he feels like he's hearing it more often lately, and that makes his smile a little bigger. ]
I'm a fast learner. [ that's his cue to leave, isn't it? The distance between them feels a little closer than usual in this moment, and he's still concerned about their mental health; he, too, is faintly disappointed that he can't stay. They'd probably be annoyed if he hung around for too long, though, wouldn't they? He's pretty sure this fondness he feels is one-directional.
Lupin shifts, standing up from his chair. ]
I'll come over any time. All you need to do is call on me. [ the temptation to make some grand gesture with fancy words is there, but he decides against it. ] That's what friends are for.
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They do what they can to control their expression, but the line of their lips tightens, reminiscent of someone trying to hold back tears. ]
You're always saying such dramatic stuff...
[ But they recover quickly, their voice coming out only the slightest bit strained, as they deliberately take their time to respond to conceal anything else they're feeling. No, they aren't ready to confide in him. Or anyone, ever, maybe.
No one has really offered their hand to them like this, so they don't know how to accept it, even if a part of them wants to. Though they can't trust themself to show any more vulnerability to him than they already have, he'll notice a little more weight on the hand cupping their face, so slight while they shift. Of course, if asked, they'd explain it away that they're trying to make this job easier for him, but the reality is being held like this helps them feel a little more here in the moment, a little more grounded. It's okay, in a distant way, while they have an excuse to let it happen. He already knows well enough that their words never quite match up to their actions. ]
What you can do to help me— is to do what I asked you to. Like this.
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Though this is going a bit beyond simple sympathy. He remembers the first time they did this - he'd hesitated, thought it was awkward, watched Cairngorm shy away in embarrassment, and left them alone as soon as he could. Now they're leaning into his touch, just so slightly, and he can feel his chest tighten and his pulse quicken when they do. Such a little gesture - but coming from them, it's enough to warm him from head to toe. ]
It's in my nature to be dramatic. [ Lupin's voice is a little softer than before, and he smiles quietly, a fond expression that easily reaches his eyes. ] ... But all right. I'll listen to you this time.
[ he doesn't think it will take very long to finish covering up these cracks - the ones they're feeling on the inside will definitely take longer to repair. But he can wait until they're ready. He works with a delicate touch, careful to try and match the consistency of the rest of their face - and to avoid scratching them with the stiff bristles. ]
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It'd be nice if you tried doing that more often.
[ Listening to them, they mean. They don't miss the softness in his voice when he speaks, and their own tone softens with it. Anything less seems like it would ruin the quiet gentleness of this moment between them. What kind of expression is he making, speaking so kindly like that...? They wonder about it, but they don't dare open their eyes or even move.
But even as they can feel that everything is being covered up sufficiently, they find themself not wanting this moment to end. When he'd suddenly appeared in front of their house, they'd wanted nothing more than to isolate themself and avoid contact with anyone— but now... they want to linger in the feeling of closeness, of having someone to lean on. They're someone who keeps everyone at an arm's distance, and because of that, it's easy to assume that they don't need, or simply don't want anyone to lean on. That's always deterred the vast majority of people from trying to get close (as is their intention)— but he does try, and continues to. It was annoying at first, but here, where they're probably at their weakest, it's reassuring and calming in an unfamiliar way. He's reassuring and calming. And they like that about him, they realize.
That realization alone should make them want to pull away, but they don't. They just wait quietly for him to finish, not hassling him to hurry up or giving signs that they're trigger-happy to pull away as they usually might. ]
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[ Lupin can't help but return fire, albeit in a gentle teasing tone rather than anything combative. By now, he figured they'd be getting flustered and pushing him away; they don't, and he wonders if that means he really was able to help them calm down. He also wonders if that means they don't mind his touch. He finds himself thinking it would be nice if both were true.
But now isn't the time for his heart's flights of fancy; they're in a fragile state, and he will of course prize their wellbeing over his dimly-acknowledged feelings. Even so, when he thinks the job is done, he can't resist lightly brushing a thumb over the patched up crack, the way he'd almost done outside earlier, ostensibly to smooth out the powder, truthfully out of a simple desire to comfort; but then he's dropping his hands unceremoniously and setting the brush back on the table, as if he'd never done anything at all. ]
All done. You're back to looking picture-perfect.
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They start to go through the motions of cleaning things up, starting with slowly reaching over and taking the brush back so they can put it back in it's proper place. The longer they stay silent, the more it feels like he might come up with some hard question for them to answer, so they decide to divert the conversation's path to something closer their own interests. Knowing how Ghost would feel about him isn't enough to tell how he feels about them— and they sort of feel like it's their business to know. ]
It was surprising, right. [ They don't look at him, closing the brush case neatly. ] How different we are.
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[ but other parts of them were about as Lupin imagined - for better or for worse. The way they immediately started to apologize for and put down Cairngorm left a bitter taste in his mouth, regardless of how pleasant they seemed otherwise; combined with the small amount of knowledge about them he'd already had, he doesn't have a particularly positive view of them, unfair as that may be. (Though is it really unfair to dislike someone who's nasty towards your friend, passive-aggressive as that nastiness may be?) ]
But even if you shared the same body, you're two separate souls. I never expected the two of you to be very similar.
[ he leans back in his chair, letting them clean up as they need to. ]
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[ Currently, as in, for now. It's still in pending, even though they know he disapproves. It's not like they're insisting on the idea to be stubborn, it's just that they can't let go of Ghost so easily, or of the prospect of going back to the way things were. It's not even like they're particularly happy about feeling so attached, or looking forward to returning to their old self, but it's somehow very lonely to be apart and not need each other anymore, in a different way than they'd felt after Ghost was torn off of them.
They pull the things they'd stacked up closer to them, feeling simultaneously grateful that he's here and disappointed that he can't stay. ]
...Either way, thank you, for coming here. [ They're overcome with the feeling that they really might not always be able to talk to him like this, so they say what they mean honestly. It doesn't fully register right now, but somehow this was the kind of intervention they'd needed to at least slow the spiral they were having. ] Pretty soon you'll be about as good as me at repairing.
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It's rare for them to thank him, but he feels like he's hearing it more often lately, and that makes his smile a little bigger. ]
I'm a fast learner. [ that's his cue to leave, isn't it? The distance between them feels a little closer than usual in this moment, and he's still concerned about their mental health; he, too, is faintly disappointed that he can't stay. They'd probably be annoyed if he hung around for too long, though, wouldn't they? He's pretty sure this fondness he feels is one-directional.
Lupin shifts, standing up from his chair. ]
I'll come over any time. All you need to do is call on me. [ the temptation to make some grand gesture with fancy words is there, but he decides against it. ] That's what friends are for.