[ That earns a stare, while they weigh their options. Pros: it'll be faster, and the more proper way of fixing this break, not to mention he's already helped them before so it won't be as awkward. Cons: they might have to talk about their issues more, and while this is lower on the concern list, letting Lupin get so close to them always makes them feel vulnerable somehow. And there's nowhere to hide if it's their face. ]
...Do what you want.
[ Is what they end up settling on, which is as much of an invitation as he'll get. Weighing the pros and cons of things is great, but what's more Cairngorm's style is to just leave decisions up to the people around them. They're not comfortable deliberately asking for things— a product of never getting to exert their will— but in this moment, it's also because they want him to choose to help them. They don't want him here if they're being pitied, nor do they want him here if he feels like he has to be.
So, they turn heel towards the entrance of the house, not bothering to look back if he's following. They have a feeling he will, but even so, they'll rely on their other senses to know if he's coming along as they enter the house. ]
[ He always does! So of course he's following. Once again, Lupin figured asking that was a coin flip - Cairngorm is reclusive, doesn't like being touched, and especially doesn't like asking people for help. The fact that they don't outright reject him is enough of a go-ahead for his purposes. Leaving them alone to stew in all of this feels like a bad idea.
As he approaches the door behind them, he takes his hat off out of habit, tucking it under one arm. ]
[ They murmur, secretly relieved that he's coming along. A small weight is lifted off their shoulders, but they hide any relaxing of their figure with fetching the proper stand-in mortar and pestle, which happens to be a big wooden bowl and some wooden mallet. ]
Them, me, and another gem that showed up. [ Who knows, maybe Lupin met Phos too. If they were in the right state of mind they'd feel some dread about what that pair will do to their stress levels in the forseeable future. ] Did anyone you know appear?
[ They're curious, but they mostly want to shift focus away from themself, in any way possible. ]
[ he did indeed meet Phos, but he'll save that conversation for another time, probably after accidentally seeing Cairngorm's memories and getting into a brief fight with them. Lupin idly sets his hat on an available countertop, patiently waiting for Cairngorm to gather their things. ]
Ah... No, they didn't. But to be honest, I wasn't hoping to see anyone I knew. [ he leans against a wall, crossing his arms. ] As much as I miss my friends, I don't want them to get stuck here, too.
[ he'd love to see Cardia and Impey again, as well as the others, but it's just as well that they stay safe at home in London. Or, well, "safe." They have food that tastes good and can remain relatively confident that demons aren't going to crawl out of the woods one day and eat them, which is more than he can say for himself at the moment. ]
[ They hum in acknowledgement, taking the basket off their arm and setting it on the table. ]
Well— this place isn't kind to humans. It's probably best if no one you know ever shows up.
[ When they frown after saying so, it seems more like their usual grumpy frown, and they're gentle while they lay out the things they've brought from various kitchen drawers onto the table. Then, they finally sit down, leaving the chair next to them vacant. ]
Of course, I also didn't want other gems here. There are not many of us at home to begin with, so an absence only causes problems.
[ They've heard vaguely from others that time works differently at home while they're here, but they won't rely on that to be the truth. If they're really, truly gone from their world, it only makes the burden of patrol harder on other gems, makes it that much easier for someone to get taken. ]
[ something about that phrasing sounds depressing, even if they're agreeing with him here. Probably because he doesn't know how he's getting out of here yet, himself; the prospect of no one ever showing up sounds like permanent separation. But, he tells himself, that won't be the case. Lupin has yet to be captured permanently by anyone, and he's not planning on starting now. Dwelling on depressing what-ifs won't do any good for anyone. ]
There's that, too. I know what people say about time stopping back home, but that seems too convenient to me.
[ it's not really any more unbelievable than anything else going on here, but, like Cairngorm, he doesn't want to depend on what's currently nothing more than a possibility. Lupin pulls out the chair next to them, sitting down beside them. They do seem a little more relaxed - then again, he could just be seeing what he wants to see. ]
- Do you use the same glue to seal up cracks that you do to put pieces back?
[ They shake their head, taking handfuls of the berries and gently pouring them into the wooden bowl. ]
If no shards come out, we don't use glue.
[ As usual, it seems like they can rely on having to explain their alien anatomy to maintain conversation. They're fine with that. Their left hand comes to feel along the breaks in their face, double checking that there's no little sliver missing that they'd have to go hunting along the ground outside for. ]
My inclusions will seal the cracks on their own in a few days... so this is just to cover it up.
[ They say this with a slight air of uncertainty, because they're not a doctor, and they've never actually cracked their face like this before, not in this particular way. It's different from getting grazed by an arrow or falling on the ice. But, eventually, they shrug, not particularly caring that they're not the world's leading expert in gem first aid, and they take their hand away from their face so they can reach for the mallet they'd brought. ]
[ it also makes this a lot easier. For the moment, Lupin just watches them work, resting his cheek in one hand. At first, he'd thought the idea of "inclusions" was strange, but when he thinks about cells in a human body, he supposes it's not terribly unusual.
He also can't help thinking about a conversation he had with Dextera a while ago about certain styles of artwork. Somehow, he can't imagine Cairn would be that interested in sealing their cracks with gold or silver... ]
... It feels like a bit of a shame, this powdering business.
[ Does he find it weird? They suppose it wouldn't be the first time humans found gem habits strange. But for once, they leave their question open ended, not tacking on any other leading or accusatory questions. They just continue working, grinding the dried plants to dust with (very) practiced hands. ]
Because it hides your sparkle, of course. I've thought that since you first explained it to me. If a jeweler on Earth started covering up his most beautiful gems with white powder, he'd be closing up shop the next moment.
[ his amber eyes flick to the cracks in their face. When he'd first seen them all black like that, he'd been shocked, but only because he wasn't used to it; now, he thinks it's too bad that they hide it. True, quartz isn't particularly valuable or rare, but it's as beautiful as any other gem when it's polished, and Cairngorm is an unusual shade of it. Or, perhaps, it's just grown on him, as Cairngorm has.
It's an idle topic that has little to do with the elephant in the room, at least on the surface. But Lupin thinks that's probably better for now. ]
[ There's silence while they mull that over, but they don't stop working. It's true that wearing powder actually makes their light absorption rate lower, and that it's mainly a cosmetic thing. It isn't like gems do it because they don't like being shiny (quite the opposite), but it's been tradition for so long that no gems think to change it. ]
Well, gems have been wearing it, since a long time before Ghost and I were born. [ They shrug again. ] I don't know. It does have a few practical uses, like protecting us from the elements.
[ But those are small reasons, comparatively. ]
But here, especially, not wearing it would be weird. It makes us look more like humans, at least.
[ They earn plenty of attention just being as lightly shiny as they are!! Not that they're not particularly shy about it, gems have always had a sort of pride about being more beautiful than other living species. But still. Drawing some attention and wanting to draw more to themself are two very different things.
When they finish, they slip their gloves off so they can test the powder with their fingers, blowing the excess off in a white puff when they're done. Yes, they seem satisfied with the result, as they move to open the case of brushes they'd brought to the table. ]
Any other urgent questions about powder before I walk you through this?
[ That is mostly rhetorical, even if they'd vastly prefer to stay on this idle topic than meander into anything serious. ]
[ Lupin snorts at that. If they weren't going through an actual crisis at the moment, he'd give them guff for getting on his case about small talk, of all things, but he'll give them a break this time. They're stressed out; he'll be docile for them. ]
Go ahead and lead the way.
[ he doesn't imagine this can be too difficult, but he listens nonetheless, holding a palm up to accept the brush he assumes is going to be handed to him in a moment. ]
[ With that, they pick up a short brush with a large, full bristles from the case. It looks to be something they took from they took from the abandoned cobbler's store, and it doesn't look particularly fluffy or soft, definitely not the most ideal tool for this task. But they move it gently through the bowl to pick up some of the product, dusting off the excess lightly on the edge before handing the brush to him, pushing the bowl closer to his reach. ]
When you're applying it, don't just swipe it on. [ They turn, slightly reluctantly, to face him more, resting their hands on the table. ] You have to apply it in light touches, or I'll get scratched because the brush is so lacking...
[ They complain, dryly, finishing with a little sigh while they slip their eyes closed. It's weird, their expression is definitely a lot more relaxed than the previous times he's been around to repair them, though they're undoubtedly leagues more stressed out. Hearing their own voice while they're speaking calmly like this, when they're not keeping their tone brusque, gives them a hollow feeling. There's no denying that this body is Ghost's too, this voice is Ghost's too. When they thought Ghost would forever be on the moon, they saw these traits as signs that Ghost wasn't entirely gone, they were still a part of them, even in traces. But now—
It's only confusing, and even reminding themself about all this for a fleeting moment makes them feel like they're not really here. They pray he won't question their behavior— they're not even sure they understand how they're acting themself. ]
Got it. I'll be careful. [ the last thing he wants to do is hurt them by accident, although he wonders if they'd deny any actual pain. There's a pause as Lupin decides how he wants to do this; then, dipping the brush, he pipes up again, sounding a little apologetic. ] ... Sorry, but I'm going to touch your face again.
[ it'll help keep their head steady and his own hand steady if he does, and even though he knows they won't like it, he'd rather they endure that discomfort for a little bit than he scratch them because he was off-balance. Gently, very gently, he cups their chin with one gloved hand, as if he were applying make-up, and begins to lightly brush the powder onto them.
The fact that their face is relaxed doesn't go unnoticed by Lupin, and he's not egotistical enough to imagine it's because he's here. No - it's because they're not really thinking about what's happening now, isn't it? They're distant, thinking about Ghost. He has no idea what ideas are going through their mind right now other than that. Their situation is too different from a human's for him to be able to predict their reaction. He only knows that they're suffering, and, perhaps, feeling more alone than ever, seeing their other half and realizing they aren't whole the way they used to be.
It's rare that he doesn't know how to help, but this time, he really doesn't. He just knows that he wants to. ]
... Cairngorm. I know you and I don't always see eye to eye. And I know I'm only a human. There are a lot of things I probably can't understand even if I want to. [ he pauses, reapplying powder to the brush as he speaks. ] But even so, I want you to know I'm with you. I won't force you to talk about it more, or do anything... Just know that you don't have to bear all of this on your own. I'll help you - even if all I can do to help is listen, it would be my pleasure.
[ Somehow, they still feel taken off guard when he says that. They anticipated that Lupin would continue to pry, say something about it while doing this, but they hadn't anticipated this, or the bittersweet way it makes them feel. It's foreign, to say the least. No one has ever said something like this to them about Ghost, or about anything. They hadn't needed that sort of care before— they'd assumed Ghost would be gone forever after all, and all the roots of the rift between them would remain buried, and would never need to be untangled. Things are different now.
They do what they can to control their expression, but the line of their lips tightens, reminiscent of someone trying to hold back tears. ]
You're always saying such dramatic stuff...
[ But they recover quickly, their voice coming out only the slightest bit strained, as they deliberately take their time to respond to conceal anything else they're feeling. No, they aren't ready to confide in him. Or anyone, ever, maybe.
No one has really offered their hand to them like this, so they don't know how to accept it, even if a part of them wants to. Though they can't trust themself to show any more vulnerability to him than they already have, he'll notice a little more weight on the hand cupping their face, so slight while they shift. Of course, if asked, they'd explain it away that they're trying to make this job easier for him, but the reality is being held like this helps them feel a little more here in the moment, a little more grounded. It's okay, in a distant way, while they have an excuse to let it happen. He already knows well enough that their words never quite match up to their actions. ]
What you can do to help me— is to do what I asked you to. Like this.
[ it's all right that they don't open up to him right now. It's okay if they never do. What matters is that they know that they could, if they wanted to - that he'd listen. That's all. He watches their expression tighten, and he feels more sure than ever that he wants to be there for them. If the day ever comes when those tears fall, Lupin will swoop in, just like he's always done, and steal them away. Saint-Germain had called him a bleeding heart before, once, near when they'd first met, for how he could never turn away from a sob story. He was probably right. But if it's wrong to bleed for someone sad and beautiful when no one else will, then he was all the more justified to turn his back on society.
Though this is going a bit beyond simple sympathy. He remembers the first time they did this - he'd hesitated, thought it was awkward, watched Cairngorm shy away in embarrassment, and left them alone as soon as he could. Now they're leaning into his touch, just so slightly, and he can feel his chest tighten and his pulse quicken when they do. Such a little gesture - but coming from them, it's enough to warm him from head to toe. ]
It's in my nature to be dramatic. [ Lupin's voice is a little softer than before, and he smiles quietly, a fond expression that easily reaches his eyes. ] ... But all right. I'll listen to you this time.
[ he doesn't think it will take very long to finish covering up these cracks - the ones they're feeling on the inside will definitely take longer to repair. But he can wait until they're ready. He works with a delicate touch, careful to try and match the consistency of the rest of their face - and to avoid scratching them with the stiff bristles. ]
[ They hum a little, staying perfectly still as he works. ]
It'd be nice if you tried doing that more often.
[ Listening to them, they mean. They don't miss the softness in his voice when he speaks, and their own tone softens with it. Anything less seems like it would ruin the quiet gentleness of this moment between them. What kind of expression is he making, speaking so kindly like that...? They wonder about it, but they don't dare open their eyes or even move.
But even as they can feel that everything is being covered up sufficiently, they find themself not wanting this moment to end. When he'd suddenly appeared in front of their house, they'd wanted nothing more than to isolate themself and avoid contact with anyone— but now... they want to linger in the feeling of closeness, of having someone to lean on. They're someone who keeps everyone at an arm's distance, and because of that, it's easy to assume that they don't need, or simply don't want anyone to lean on. That's always deterred the vast majority of people from trying to get close (as is their intention)— but he does try, and continues to. It was annoying at first, but here, where they're probably at their weakest, it's reassuring and calming in an unfamiliar way. He's reassuring and calming. And they like that about him, they realize.
That realization alone should make them want to pull away, but they don't. They just wait quietly for him to finish, not hassling him to hurry up or giving signs that they're trigger-happy to pull away as they usually might. ]
[ Lupin can't help but return fire, albeit in a gentle teasing tone rather than anything combative. By now, he figured they'd be getting flustered and pushing him away; they don't, and he wonders if that means he really was able to help them calm down. He also wonders if that means they don't mind his touch. He finds himself thinking it would be nice if both were true.
But now isn't the time for his heart's flights of fancy; they're in a fragile state, and he will of course prize their wellbeing over his dimly-acknowledged feelings. Even so, when he thinks the job is done, he can't resist lightly brushing a thumb over the patched up crack, the way he'd almost done outside earlier, ostensibly to smooth out the powder, truthfully out of a simple desire to comfort; but then he's dropping his hands unceremoniously and setting the brush back on the table, as if he'd never done anything at all. ]
[ They don't respond outwardly to that comment, or the brush of his hand on their cheek, outside of a little acknowledging and agreeable hm. They just stay still and neutral throughout it all, drawing away slowly when he lets go of them. Currently, there is simply not enough space in their head to be thinking about the weirdness of this interaction, or what it's supposed to mean, if anything. All these weird feelings they're having could be because of their reunion with Ghost and the confused, almost trance-like emotional state it left them in. To add anything more to all the things they're being forced to untangle right now would be too much.
They start to go through the motions of cleaning things up, starting with slowly reaching over and taking the brush back so they can put it back in it's proper place. The longer they stay silent, the more it feels like he might come up with some hard question for them to answer, so they decide to divert the conversation's path to something closer their own interests. Knowing how Ghost would feel about him isn't enough to tell how he feels about them— and they sort of feel like it's their business to know. ]
It was surprising, right. [ They don't look at him, closing the brush case neatly. ] How different we are.
A little bit. They were more talkative than I was expecting, for sure.
[ but other parts of them were about as Lupin imagined - for better or for worse. The way they immediately started to apologize for and put down Cairngorm left a bitter taste in his mouth, regardless of how pleasant they seemed otherwise; combined with the small amount of knowledge about them he'd already had, he doesn't have a particularly positive view of them, unfair as that may be. (Though is it really unfair to dislike someone who's nasty towards your friend, passive-aggressive as that nastiness may be?) ]
But even if you shared the same body, you're two separate souls. I never expected the two of you to be very similar.
[ he leans back in his chair, letting them clean up as they need to. ]
Well, you're the only one to expect it to be that way. [ Other gems only had an inkling of what Cairngorm might have been like, based on the few-times-a-year glimpses of their behavior they got. ] But it'll be easier for people to tell with the way we are currently...
[ Currently, as in, for now. It's still in pending, even though they know he disapproves. It's not like they're insisting on the idea to be stubborn, it's just that they can't let go of Ghost so easily, or of the prospect of going back to the way things were. It's not even like they're particularly happy about feeling so attached, or looking forward to returning to their old self, but it's somehow very lonely to be apart and not need each other anymore, in a different way than they'd felt after Ghost was torn off of them.
They pull the things they'd stacked up closer to them, feeling simultaneously grateful that he's here and disappointed that he can't stay. ]
...Either way, thank you, for coming here. [ They're overcome with the feeling that they really might not always be able to talk to him like this, so they say what they mean honestly. It doesn't fully register right now, but somehow this was the kind of intervention they'd needed to at least slow the spiral they were having. ] Pretty soon you'll be about as good as me at repairing.
[ it's true that he might only be able to think this way because he actually got to meet them separately - but that's all the more reason for him to want the two of them to stay apart. He's said it before: he's lucky he got to see Cairngorm like this. Lupin's already said what he had to say on the matter of them rejoining, and they aren't going to be able to come to a decision immediately, besides; he doesn't offer any complaints on the "currently" comment, only responding with a small smile.
It's rare for them to thank him, but he feels like he's hearing it more often lately, and that makes his smile a little bigger. ]
I'm a fast learner. [ that's his cue to leave, isn't it? The distance between them feels a little closer than usual in this moment, and he's still concerned about their mental health; he, too, is faintly disappointed that he can't stay. They'd probably be annoyed if he hung around for too long, though, wouldn't they? He's pretty sure this fondness he feels is one-directional.
Lupin shifts, standing up from his chair. ]
I'll come over any time. All you need to do is call on me. [ the temptation to make some grand gesture with fancy words is there, but he decides against it. ] That's what friends are for.
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...Do what you want.
[ Is what they end up settling on, which is as much of an invitation as he'll get. Weighing the pros and cons of things is great, but what's more Cairngorm's style is to just leave decisions up to the people around them. They're not comfortable deliberately asking for things— a product of never getting to exert their will— but in this moment, it's also because they want him to choose to help them. They don't want him here if they're being pitied, nor do they want him here if he feels like he has to be.
So, they turn heel towards the entrance of the house, not bothering to look back if he's following. They have a feeling he will, but even so, they'll rely on their other senses to know if he's coming along as they enter the house. ]
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[ He always does! So of course he's following. Once again, Lupin figured asking that was a coin flip - Cairngorm is reclusive, doesn't like being touched, and especially doesn't like asking people for help. The fact that they don't outright reject him is enough of a go-ahead for his purposes. Leaving them alone to stew in all of this feels like a bad idea.
As he approaches the door behind them, he takes his hat off out of habit, tucking it under one arm. ]
Is Ghost going to live here with you?
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[ They murmur, secretly relieved that he's coming along. A small weight is lifted off their shoulders, but they hide any relaxing of their figure with fetching the proper stand-in mortar and pestle, which happens to be a big wooden bowl and some wooden mallet. ]
Them, me, and another gem that showed up. [ Who knows, maybe Lupin met Phos too. If they were in the right state of mind they'd feel some dread about what that pair will do to their stress levels in the forseeable future. ] Did anyone you know appear?
[ They're curious, but they mostly want to shift focus away from themself, in any way possible. ]
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Ah... No, they didn't. But to be honest, I wasn't hoping to see anyone I knew. [ he leans against a wall, crossing his arms. ] As much as I miss my friends, I don't want them to get stuck here, too.
[ he'd love to see Cardia and Impey again, as well as the others, but it's just as well that they stay safe at home in London. Or, well, "safe." They have food that tastes good and can remain relatively confident that demons aren't going to crawl out of the woods one day and eat them, which is more than he can say for himself at the moment. ]
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Well— this place isn't kind to humans. It's probably best if no one you know ever shows up.
[ When they frown after saying so, it seems more like their usual grumpy frown, and they're gentle while they lay out the things they've brought from various kitchen drawers onto the table. Then, they finally sit down, leaving the chair next to them vacant. ]
Of course, I also didn't want other gems here. There are not many of us at home to begin with, so an absence only causes problems.
[ They've heard vaguely from others that time works differently at home while they're here, but they won't rely on that to be the truth. If they're really, truly gone from their world, it only makes the burden of patrol harder on other gems, makes it that much easier for someone to get taken. ]
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There's that, too. I know what people say about time stopping back home, but that seems too convenient to me.
[ it's not really any more unbelievable than anything else going on here, but, like Cairngorm, he doesn't want to depend on what's currently nothing more than a possibility. Lupin pulls out the chair next to them, sitting down beside them. They do seem a little more relaxed - then again, he could just be seeing what he wants to see. ]
- Do you use the same glue to seal up cracks that you do to put pieces back?
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If no shards come out, we don't use glue.
[ As usual, it seems like they can rely on having to explain their alien anatomy to maintain conversation. They're fine with that. Their left hand comes to feel along the breaks in their face, double checking that there's no little sliver missing that they'd have to go hunting along the ground outside for. ]
My inclusions will seal the cracks on their own in a few days... so this is just to cover it up.
[ They say this with a slight air of uncertainty, because they're not a doctor, and they've never actually cracked their face like this before, not in this particular way. It's different from getting grazed by an arrow or falling on the ice. But, eventually, they shrug, not particularly caring that they're not the world's leading expert in gem first aid, and they take their hand away from their face so they can reach for the mallet they'd brought. ]
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[ it also makes this a lot easier. For the moment, Lupin just watches them work, resting his cheek in one hand. At first, he'd thought the idea of "inclusions" was strange, but when he thinks about cells in a human body, he supposes it's not terribly unusual.
He also can't help thinking about a conversation he had with Dextera a while ago about certain styles of artwork. Somehow, he can't imagine Cairn would be that interested in sealing their cracks with gold or silver... ]
... It feels like a bit of a shame, this powdering business.
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[ They glance at him, quirking their brow. ]
In what way...?
[ Does he find it weird? They suppose it wouldn't be the first time humans found gem habits strange. But for once, they leave their question open ended, not tacking on any other leading or accusatory questions. They just continue working, grinding the dried plants to dust with (very) practiced hands. ]
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[ his amber eyes flick to the cracks in their face. When he'd first seen them all black like that, he'd been shocked, but only because he wasn't used to it; now, he thinks it's too bad that they hide it. True, quartz isn't particularly valuable or rare, but it's as beautiful as any other gem when it's polished, and Cairngorm is an unusual shade of it. Or, perhaps, it's just grown on him, as Cairngorm has.
It's an idle topic that has little to do with the elephant in the room, at least on the surface. But Lupin thinks that's probably better for now. ]
Using it to hide cracks makes sense, at least.
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Well, gems have been wearing it, since a long time before Ghost and I were born. [ They shrug again. ] I don't know. It does have a few practical uses, like protecting us from the elements.
[ But those are small reasons, comparatively. ]
But here, especially, not wearing it would be weird. It makes us look more like humans, at least.
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And you don't want to stand out?
[ Lupin sounds a little amused. That's something he can't really relate to. Obviously. He was born to stand in the spotlight... ]
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[ They earn plenty of attention just being as lightly shiny as they are!! Not that they're not particularly shy about it, gems have always had a sort of pride about being more beautiful than other living species. But still. Drawing some attention and wanting to draw more to themself are two very different things.
When they finish, they slip their gloves off so they can test the powder with their fingers, blowing the excess off in a white puff when they're done. Yes, they seem satisfied with the result, as they move to open the case of brushes they'd brought to the table. ]
Any other urgent questions about powder before I walk you through this?
[ That is mostly rhetorical, even if they'd vastly prefer to stay on this idle topic than meander into anything serious. ]
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Go ahead and lead the way.
[ he doesn't imagine this can be too difficult, but he listens nonetheless, holding a palm up to accept the brush he assumes is going to be handed to him in a moment. ]
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When you're applying it, don't just swipe it on. [ They turn, slightly reluctantly, to face him more, resting their hands on the table. ] You have to apply it in light touches, or I'll get scratched because the brush is so lacking...
[ They complain, dryly, finishing with a little sigh while they slip their eyes closed. It's weird, their expression is definitely a lot more relaxed than the previous times he's been around to repair them, though they're undoubtedly leagues more stressed out. Hearing their own voice while they're speaking calmly like this, when they're not keeping their tone brusque, gives them a hollow feeling. There's no denying that this body is Ghost's too, this voice is Ghost's too. When they thought Ghost would forever be on the moon, they saw these traits as signs that Ghost wasn't entirely gone, they were still a part of them, even in traces. But now—
It's only confusing, and even reminding themself about all this for a fleeting moment makes them feel like they're not really here. They pray he won't question their behavior— they're not even sure they understand how they're acting themself. ]
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[ it'll help keep their head steady and his own hand steady if he does, and even though he knows they won't like it, he'd rather they endure that discomfort for a little bit than he scratch them because he was off-balance. Gently, very gently, he cups their chin with one gloved hand, as if he were applying make-up, and begins to lightly brush the powder onto them.
The fact that their face is relaxed doesn't go unnoticed by Lupin, and he's not egotistical enough to imagine it's because he's here. No - it's because they're not really thinking about what's happening now, isn't it? They're distant, thinking about Ghost. He has no idea what ideas are going through their mind right now other than that. Their situation is too different from a human's for him to be able to predict their reaction. He only knows that they're suffering, and, perhaps, feeling more alone than ever, seeing their other half and realizing they aren't whole the way they used to be.
It's rare that he doesn't know how to help, but this time, he really doesn't. He just knows that he wants to. ]
... Cairngorm. I know you and I don't always see eye to eye. And I know I'm only a human. There are a lot of things I probably can't understand even if I want to. [ he pauses, reapplying powder to the brush as he speaks. ] But even so, I want you to know I'm with you. I won't force you to talk about it more, or do anything... Just know that you don't have to bear all of this on your own. I'll help you - even if all I can do to help is listen, it would be my pleasure.
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They do what they can to control their expression, but the line of their lips tightens, reminiscent of someone trying to hold back tears. ]
You're always saying such dramatic stuff...
[ But they recover quickly, their voice coming out only the slightest bit strained, as they deliberately take their time to respond to conceal anything else they're feeling. No, they aren't ready to confide in him. Or anyone, ever, maybe.
No one has really offered their hand to them like this, so they don't know how to accept it, even if a part of them wants to. Though they can't trust themself to show any more vulnerability to him than they already have, he'll notice a little more weight on the hand cupping their face, so slight while they shift. Of course, if asked, they'd explain it away that they're trying to make this job easier for him, but the reality is being held like this helps them feel a little more here in the moment, a little more grounded. It's okay, in a distant way, while they have an excuse to let it happen. He already knows well enough that their words never quite match up to their actions. ]
What you can do to help me— is to do what I asked you to. Like this.
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Though this is going a bit beyond simple sympathy. He remembers the first time they did this - he'd hesitated, thought it was awkward, watched Cairngorm shy away in embarrassment, and left them alone as soon as he could. Now they're leaning into his touch, just so slightly, and he can feel his chest tighten and his pulse quicken when they do. Such a little gesture - but coming from them, it's enough to warm him from head to toe. ]
It's in my nature to be dramatic. [ Lupin's voice is a little softer than before, and he smiles quietly, a fond expression that easily reaches his eyes. ] ... But all right. I'll listen to you this time.
[ he doesn't think it will take very long to finish covering up these cracks - the ones they're feeling on the inside will definitely take longer to repair. But he can wait until they're ready. He works with a delicate touch, careful to try and match the consistency of the rest of their face - and to avoid scratching them with the stiff bristles. ]
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It'd be nice if you tried doing that more often.
[ Listening to them, they mean. They don't miss the softness in his voice when he speaks, and their own tone softens with it. Anything less seems like it would ruin the quiet gentleness of this moment between them. What kind of expression is he making, speaking so kindly like that...? They wonder about it, but they don't dare open their eyes or even move.
But even as they can feel that everything is being covered up sufficiently, they find themself not wanting this moment to end. When he'd suddenly appeared in front of their house, they'd wanted nothing more than to isolate themself and avoid contact with anyone— but now... they want to linger in the feeling of closeness, of having someone to lean on. They're someone who keeps everyone at an arm's distance, and because of that, it's easy to assume that they don't need, or simply don't want anyone to lean on. That's always deterred the vast majority of people from trying to get close (as is their intention)— but he does try, and continues to. It was annoying at first, but here, where they're probably at their weakest, it's reassuring and calming in an unfamiliar way. He's reassuring and calming. And they like that about him, they realize.
That realization alone should make them want to pull away, but they don't. They just wait quietly for him to finish, not hassling him to hurry up or giving signs that they're trigger-happy to pull away as they usually might. ]
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[ Lupin can't help but return fire, albeit in a gentle teasing tone rather than anything combative. By now, he figured they'd be getting flustered and pushing him away; they don't, and he wonders if that means he really was able to help them calm down. He also wonders if that means they don't mind his touch. He finds himself thinking it would be nice if both were true.
But now isn't the time for his heart's flights of fancy; they're in a fragile state, and he will of course prize their wellbeing over his dimly-acknowledged feelings. Even so, when he thinks the job is done, he can't resist lightly brushing a thumb over the patched up crack, the way he'd almost done outside earlier, ostensibly to smooth out the powder, truthfully out of a simple desire to comfort; but then he's dropping his hands unceremoniously and setting the brush back on the table, as if he'd never done anything at all. ]
All done. You're back to looking picture-perfect.
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They start to go through the motions of cleaning things up, starting with slowly reaching over and taking the brush back so they can put it back in it's proper place. The longer they stay silent, the more it feels like he might come up with some hard question for them to answer, so they decide to divert the conversation's path to something closer their own interests. Knowing how Ghost would feel about him isn't enough to tell how he feels about them— and they sort of feel like it's their business to know. ]
It was surprising, right. [ They don't look at him, closing the brush case neatly. ] How different we are.
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[ but other parts of them were about as Lupin imagined - for better or for worse. The way they immediately started to apologize for and put down Cairngorm left a bitter taste in his mouth, regardless of how pleasant they seemed otherwise; combined with the small amount of knowledge about them he'd already had, he doesn't have a particularly positive view of them, unfair as that may be. (Though is it really unfair to dislike someone who's nasty towards your friend, passive-aggressive as that nastiness may be?) ]
But even if you shared the same body, you're two separate souls. I never expected the two of you to be very similar.
[ he leans back in his chair, letting them clean up as they need to. ]
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[ Currently, as in, for now. It's still in pending, even though they know he disapproves. It's not like they're insisting on the idea to be stubborn, it's just that they can't let go of Ghost so easily, or of the prospect of going back to the way things were. It's not even like they're particularly happy about feeling so attached, or looking forward to returning to their old self, but it's somehow very lonely to be apart and not need each other anymore, in a different way than they'd felt after Ghost was torn off of them.
They pull the things they'd stacked up closer to them, feeling simultaneously grateful that he's here and disappointed that he can't stay. ]
...Either way, thank you, for coming here. [ They're overcome with the feeling that they really might not always be able to talk to him like this, so they say what they mean honestly. It doesn't fully register right now, but somehow this was the kind of intervention they'd needed to at least slow the spiral they were having. ] Pretty soon you'll be about as good as me at repairing.
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It's rare for them to thank him, but he feels like he's hearing it more often lately, and that makes his smile a little bigger. ]
I'm a fast learner. [ that's his cue to leave, isn't it? The distance between them feels a little closer than usual in this moment, and he's still concerned about their mental health; he, too, is faintly disappointed that he can't stay. They'd probably be annoyed if he hung around for too long, though, wouldn't they? He's pretty sure this fondness he feels is one-directional.
Lupin shifts, standing up from his chair. ]
I'll come over any time. All you need to do is call on me. [ the temptation to make some grand gesture with fancy words is there, but he decides against it. ] That's what friends are for.